


Indefinable

by ChibiYoda



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Science Boyfriends (implied), This Is My Ship and It Has Wrecked Me, obligatory shawarma reference, sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-04 09:53:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3063443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibiYoda/pseuds/ChibiYoda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce doesn't know that there are thousands of people who love him. But sometimes, he can feel it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Indefinable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CrumblingAsh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrumblingAsh/gifts).



> Ok, so I have this headcanon that Bruce can feel the love we have for him, through Ruffalo. Much like Hulk is in Bruce, a part of Bruce is in Mark. (no offence to Norton or Bana, but Mark is my one and only Bruce) All of this affection for Bruce, which we express to Mark, gets channeled to Bruce. Bruce doesn't know what the hell it is, but it picks him up when he’s down.
> 
> For CrumblingAsh, who, when I happened to mention this theory, a) didn't laugh and b) told me to write it down. I tried.

The morning sun did its best to wake Bruce gently from his sleep. It spread its rays softly over his body, hinting that his fitful, tortured night had ended. He drifted languidly through those mystical moments between dreams and reality. Right before colors and shapes take on defined forms. Those precious seconds where your dreams might have come true. The seconds before you find out that they did not.

Not every morning is he afforded this luxury. More often than not, he is plucked from slumber by his lover’s voice or lips. A beautiful way to wake, no doubt. Yet something could also be said for longing to bask in this brief peaceful haze, before the world demands your attention once again.

His thoughts still malleable, his awareness still stunted, Bruce finds himself awash in a wondrous sense of love and comfort. His heart is light. His mind at ease. It was as if he were wrapped with care in a warm blanket, soothing, safe. There is no vision. There are no voices. It just is.

He revels in it.

But all too soon, this pleasant aura begins to fade, as consciousness takes over, and he fully awakens.

 

Bruce opened his eyes to a new day. For a split second, he felt…something. A wisp of warmth in his heart. He tried desperately to catch it, hang on, bring it to life – but it slipped away in the blink of an eye.

He sighed. He’d lost it once again.

 

It was the strangest thing. He could pinpoint when this abnormal experience began happening to him. It was soon after Natasha had ferried him away from India. As a matter of fact, it was the very first morning he woke up in a guest suite in Tony's tower. After the aliens. After the shawarma.

He’d been able to bear witness to the aftermath of the battle. So much destruction. He knew he was to blame for some of it. Maybe not all of it, as was usually the case when he was forced to transform, but enough of it. He was not yet convinced that his participation in the events warranted praise. Tony hadn't succeeded in getting Bruce to admit he was a hero, but he’d accepted that this time he hadn't completely screwed up.

And that evening, when Bruce lay his head down on a plush pillow, he struggled with guilt.

When his body had finally been rested enough to function again, and inched its way toward consciousness, Bruce’s mind was enveloped in life affirming positivity. A perfect blend of goodwill, gratitude and understanding. Bruce had been eased from a painful night, and toward the start of a new life, by an overwhelming sense of compassion. 

Since then, it seems to happen any time he is in a bad frame of mind. Not the type of frustration that comes when his projects aren't cooperating with him. In the grand scheme of things, those were simply petty annoyances. Problems that would be solved in time.

No, it's when Bruce becomes dispirited. He’s made great strides in recognizing that he has a lot to offer the world. That he could form meaningful relationships with others. That he was able to love and be loved. The quality of what used to be just an existence for him has improved tenfold. Yet he still has days when he dredges up his past companions, failure and inadequacy. Old habits die hard, and years of self-hatred never completely die. They've left their mark, in indelible ink, scrawled across his bones. So once in a while, Bruce slips into a funk. And when he’s low, when he’s questioning all that he is, something seems to answer.

Frustratingly though, he can’t define the message. He chalks it up to his mind playing tricks on him, or perhaps the remnants of a dream that he can never remember. Whatever it is, when he needs it the most, it appears. He receives a gift of reassurance. A positive energy that he cannot seem to replicate once his eyes open. And while he can never quite grasp what this phenomenon is, its aftereffects linger with him. He feels…better. The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. He’s left bewildered as to what and why and how. But that glimmer of peace that remains is enough to derail the train of negativity.

So he continues on, with more good days than bad, and with a touch more optimism. But when those nights where he debates the merits of waking up the next day do come, reassurance finds its way to him. A love not hindered by space and time travels the distance to lift him up again.

Whenever he needs it, for as long as he needs it, it will come. Bruce may not know this to be the case, but there are thousands of others who do.

**Author's Note:**

> I struggled and struggled with this. I simply could not find adequate words to explain this concept. Then it dawned on me. It’s supposed to be indefinable. (and hey, a title!) Bruce can’t describe it either. Now I don’t feel as bad.


End file.
